A. Spod in Charge - or a little bit of power goes a long, long way ------------------------------------------------------------------ Part 11 of a Life History ------------------------- Monday ------ Hurrah!!!!!!!! After months of pleading I have finally become a member of Monochrome staff. A bit of email was sent round to ALL staff members telling them I was part of the team. This bit of mail is now stuck up on my wall. Along with Eeezey's reply: "I'm so glad you told me that! Now my life is as complete as I could ever hope! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I always knew he liked me. Not only am I on the mono staff, but I am also in charge of organising the Science Fiction Section. I have read up on the rules, and am going to make sure they are rigidly enforced. Firstly, I have closed the X-files section, because mouldy's remit was not in the correct format. Don't people know how important this is? If there were no rigid and strict rules and guidelines on mono, as well as in life, how would people know what to do? I have also noticed some people are not as committed to the cause as much as I am. Prefect, who runs the Douglas Adams section only seems to log in TWICE A WEEK! Last week, he didn't log in at all. I said if he pulled another stunt like that, I would give his section to someone else. There's people in other countries who are crying out for a section. I have been following what Jerks, who runs the comedy section, has been doing, he seems to have the right idea. It's all a question of authority and making people adhere to the letter of the law. He has got only one thing wrong, he should go through and remove everything that isn't funny. There are lots of things in there that I don't find in the slightest bit amusing. Particularly Eezey's diaries, which are just pale imitations of mine. And anyway a humour section on a bulletin board does not need to be that big. It needs only three sections: All the sketches from the Monty Photon team typed up word-for-word so anyone can learn them for the recital competitions we hold in pointless' room; Computer related humour; and Local Quotes. BTW, my favourite computer-related joke of the moment is: How many UNIX programmers does it take to change a light-bulb? One, because UNIX is the best! Ra! Ra! Ra! I love telling that joke to win95 and dr_dec, and they both hate it. But they don't argue with me because I am a member of MONO STAFF. Ha, suckers! Tuesday ------- I have closed the Douglas Adams and Battlestar Galactica sections because they haven't resubmitted the remit in my own new format. I will give the Star Trek section one more day. Rama, who runs the Arthur C. Clarke section, will be banned tomorrow unless he logs in tomorrow and updates his remit, which has one character too many on the Section_Explanation line. He told me he could not be in tomorrow be cause he is going on holiday. What a feeble excuse, last time I went on holiday, I logged on EVERY SINGLE DAY. Some people had better buck their ideas up. I have banned Jerks, and his girlfriend, pastrytart, from the Science Fiction section as she put in an irrelevant comment about 'dogmatism.' "This is the science fiction section, not the pet section." I told them. Wednesday --------- I have done the remit for the Star Trek section myself, to show people how it should be done. And, anyway, that is true science fiction, and deserves some leniency. The Heinlein, Aldiss and H.G.Wells sections have all gone. My patience has been tried too much. In all 13, sub-sections of my Science Fiction section have had to be removed. And people have no one to blame but themselves. I was so annoyed with people's lack of commitment, I logged off just before midday, and didn't log back on for over two hours. Thursday -------- The last of my patience has been used up. The only sub-sections left in the Science Fiction section are Star Trek and Deep Space 19.99. Koenig, who runs the Deep Space 19.99 section, has been the only person to get things done on time. The section will remain as such until people start submitting remits in exactly the correct format. I made it easier for them by setting up my own standards for remits of sub-sections of the Sci-Fi section. But no-one, except koenig, has managed to fill it in properly, AND keep the file at the specified size of 512 bytes. When mouldy submitted his new remit, I told him that all he needed to do was add an extra space and it would be the correct size. He flew off the handle and started telling my I was being 'overbearing.' I am only doing my job, I told him. He told me that the guards at 'Belsen,' presumably a prison, had said the same thing. As well they should. He then gave me an unhelpful suggestion about what I could do with the extra space. I told him that it would be impossible, as the space in question was merely a numerical representation of a blank character and therefore had no tangible existence outside of the computer, and he left it at that. Friday ------ Oh, woe is poor, poor me. Abfabs has relieved me of my position of commander of the Sci-Fi section. I am now no longer a member of mono staff. Oh cruel, cruel world that gives unto you only to take it away. To be at the bottom is always worse for already having the sweet taste of success on your lips. I am having a protest, I will not log onto mono ever again. Good bye all!!!!! Saturday -------- Spent the day talking to garcield, comport and _errno on mono. _errno, said to me "What happened to your protest?" He was clearly trying to sneer at me. But I just sent a smilie, and said "Well, at least I'll have something to tell my grandchildren." And that put an end to that. I don't suppose he'll put it in the quotes file. I'll just have to do it myself. Hmmmm, I wonder if they need someone to run the quotes section? (c) A.Spod 12/95