Day in the life of A. Spod V: The Hairy Nipple Meet ---------------------------- Because I live such a full and interesting life, I am writing this report from Scotland. It is day three of the Hairy Nipple meet. Me, Nolife and Sadbastad all came up in Soppigit's 2CV. It's not the best car in the world, but we had Roxette on the stereo all the way. SpodKat says they are the most innovative band of all time. The meet has been organised by Bluegreen, Threesome and Scotsmoose. With Usquetrio helping from London. We arrived on Friday evening. (we left Spodcaster University on Tuesday morning, so made pretty good time) and went straight to Chewie and Squelchie's flat. No one was in. We went to Wesley's. He was putting us up for the weekend. He had no idea where they had gone, but said to follow him and we'd try a few possible pubs. He pulled a map from his amazing rucksack and led on. After a few hours, we found the rest of the meet in the Black Moose public house. Beanburger, HP, Eezaspode, Hairie, GNoME, Hiredwilly, Error, Electrolux, McTavish, Star_grocer, Glenfiddich, Greeny and Barfield were all there. Lettuce trurned up later dressed in black with his face painted white. It was quite scary. Soppigit had one of his funny turns and we had to show him pictures of Acorn Electrons all evening to get him out of it. It wasn't much of a meet and soon all converstion about mono were forgotton. I tried to keep the subject alive but as the alcohol took effect people soon forgot their debt to monochrome and started the most disgusting display of public kissing I have ever witnessed. And I have seen Togaman peck Sheri on the cheek. That was disgusting enough I can tell you. Mono is not about drinking, kissing and s*x and all this other stuff that goes on at meets. It's about people getting together and discussing computers. People who think otherwise should wake up to reality and get a life. Bean, far from setting an example as the oldest person on mono, seemed to help instigate the whole thing. Me, Nolife, Sadbastad, Soppigit and Wesley went back early, disgusted. We all vowed nothing like this would happen at the Bracknell Meet. Wesley was quite upset as someone had rifled through his rucksack and not only singed his playing cards, but also scratched his kitchen sink. When we got back to Wesley's, Soppigit discovered his mother had forgotten to pack his sleeping bag. Thank god for Wesley, who was able to stop his tantrum by producing another sleeping bag from his stupendous rucksack. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- We awoke early. We all had special-K for breakfast. This is because I said the K looked like an X and so it was Special-X. I also said that Wesley's sack was so good it could be called X-sack. I was on form that morning. After login on for a few hours, we went to the park. Here we found the others. Cutiedragon and Minidragon were there too. As was Spodwivwhip and Whipmoose. Babymoose, Moosequeen and Mooseburger hadn't turned up. Glenfiddich tied up Hiredwilly with some cotton, but his ruse was foiled by someone I didn't know. He seemed to be quite old. I asked him who he was on mono. "Isafarrraahh" he said. I don't know how it's spelt and I haven't been able to find the account yet. Nor his other account which I overheard someone say was Tramp. Pity he seemed a very interesting man. That evening, we went to another pub. Why do we always go to such places? They are never near terminal rooms. Dr_Fosters and YesYes were there and both followed star_grocer around. Swivvel too seemed to be interested in star_grocer. GNoME and HiredWilly both developed hareems. I'm logged on more than any of them, so how can they have more luck than I do. Error tried to sneek into GNoME's hareem which consisted of Baafield and Cutiedragon. Jerusalem tried to sneak into Hiredwilly's hareem which consisted of Beanburger, HP and Glenfiddich. Once again we left early. It was a long walk back to Wesley's and we were hungry. Wesley produced some hot pies from his rucksack and handed them round. He then brought out five sets of earphones which we all put in. I did not know Kraftwerk had ever recorded an album with 5-star, it was brilliant. With excelent songs such as "Computer Love", "Spod On", and "I met my baby on the talker." On CD of course - only the best in Wesley's rucksack. That night we logged on to mono via the pad link in Wesley's Wonderfull rucksack. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The following day we started the long journey home. We got a hundred yards down the road before the car stopped. Wesley, who had been waving from the pavement, rushed up. He took one look at the engine and produced from his incredible rucksack a bottle of oil, a set of spark plugs, two spare tires and a jack. We cheered as we drove away, the name of Wesley and his Splendid Rucksack shall live on forever in the annals of Spoddom. A. Spod 8/93