Diary of A. Spodette -------------------- * The Week Before * We've just had our first meet at Spodling University. It was a for the most part a success. I have never done this sort of thing before, and so the week before, The Kronz came down to help me organise it. He'd only been there half an hour before he had organised the whole thing. All he'd asked for is the name of our usual pub and directions to the local Quazar centre or video game arcade. Spodling is not so sophisticated to have Quazar, but it does have a great arcade. That evening I showed him both of them. We ended up staying in the pub until closing time and were quite drunk by the time we got back. In the morning I anguished a little over how I would tell my boyfriend (Chump on Mono), that I had slept with The Kronz. I decided it was best if I didn't, he wouldn't understand. And I don't want to lose him - he IS my boyfriend. I just wish he didn't live at the other end of the country. Sometimes I think it's odd that we've only met three times. I've met Dibdabs, Mono's exulted (and dishy) leader, more times. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to go out with him. T_zer would learn to respect me then. As I watched The Kronz dress in his individual (denim) style, I thought to myself, he is kind of cool, I guess. he said he had to go back to Spodshire Uni., but would be back for the meet. Which is more than Chump could do, he had to work this weekend. I felt bad when The Kronz had to go, but I snogged a couple of the guys at the SpodSoc meeting in the Uni. bar and felt much better about myself. Telnet (one of my ex-s (not to be confused with exes! Te he.)) was there. He looked on jealously as I kissed Autoexec. Autoexec claimed he'd never kissed a woman before. He's kind of cute - I'll probably sleep with him next time I'm depressed. Telnet, who thinks his name's so cool, because his real name is Terry Nett, insisted on calling me Andrea. I told him coldly that it was now Saline. "Officially?" he asked sarcastically. I told him to sod off and snogged Lotus123 twice as hard as I was going to. He's such a jealous, spiteful bastard. The following room, I left Telnet's room early, before he awoke. He always pleads for me to stay, if he's awake, and I never usually manage to leave until gone noon. ------------------------------------------------------------ * Thursday * People started arriving for the meet on Thursday. Tubs and Tart were staying with Scripty; Nprint stayed with me. Nprint is a bit of a geek, but cute with it, I guess. And he does like the band Iosys, so we had something to talk about, once the topic of the talker had been exhausted - about 3 am. We both agreed that criticism levelled at Iosys by the likes of gorgonsola that they are 'dull, too derived to be interesting, insipid to the point of comatising, bland, sickeningly average, desperately directionless in their plagiarism and quite frankly even worse that Blore' is totally wrong. I was feeling good, so we didn't need to have sex. I was however, the first person he'd ever gotten off with. And it was next to impossible to avoid him for the rest of the meet. ------------------------------------------------------------ * Friday * Friday saw the arrival of more people. Batchman, Infloop, Nolife and Aspod. Nolife and Aspod were kind of cool, but were never apart for long enough to get either of them on their own. Batchman, on the other hand, was sat on his own. And also wore a Bon Jovi T-shirt, the sign of a sensitive, but tough, man. There was no sign of The Kronz {Ed: 'Sign of The Kronz' is now a major, new 4-part mini-series}, and after a discussion on the underlying meaning within "You give love a bad name," we kissed. Well, I kissed him. He went taught and started shaking. After the tenth kiss, he was getting used to it, and started to relax. I put my hand on his groin and felt it twitch. He ran off and wasn't seen for the rest of the meet. This really distressed me. Is there something wrong with me? I went to the phone at the bar and called The Kronz's flat. Someone, not The Kronz, answered. There was a party going on in the background. I asked to speak to The Kronz. The voice said something like "Note Ossfayces gone." It was very difficult to hear. He was drunk, the party was loud, and behind me was a pub full of drunk students. I think he was trying to tell me The Kronz was not there. I wished I was there. At the party. There they were having fun. Even if the music wasn't straight from the alternative/student/Independent {Ed: i.e. pop} charts. I put the phone down, sniffling as little, and sensed someone behind me. I turned to face Aspod. "Hi," he said. "I was going to get a drink." I could see Nolife still sitting at the table, talking animatedly to Sadashell. He stood open-mouthed for a few seconds before he asked "Would you like one?" I quelled my natural desire to yell "quote!" and said "yes" instead. I lead him to the bar. At the bar, we talked about a recent conversation we'd had together on the talker, before walking back to join the others, drinks in hand. When we arrived back at the growing group - now on four tables - he went off to deliver the drinks for Nolife and Sadashell, who gets his name from the Unix shell he is developing in his spare time. I noticed that The Kronz had arrived. He was in deep conversation with T_zer. I know Initgoes preaches Mono solidarity particularly between us monobabes, but I hate that woman. T_zer, that is. She has no dignity, always trying to get off with men, who forever fall for her giggles and blonde locks. The Kronz nodded a greeting across the tables and turned back to the tittering tramp. Aspod put the drinks down in front of his friends and came back to stand next to me. I pressed close to him and looked intensely into his face with the eye that wasn't fixed on The Kronz and that sand-haired harlot. Aspod continued talking to me, I nodded, but heard only excerpts as I strained to hear T_zer's giggling non-sense. "Oh, but I much prefer Liam, he's the really good looking one." That slag probably doesn't even appreciate the music, it's just sex, sex, sex with her. I turned my vexation into a sweet smile and looked up to Aspod's face. He said something I didn't hear and I instantly gave a huge giggle that was louder and more school- girlie than T_zer could ever have managed. Aspod looked a little perplexed, I think he'd just been explaining about his directory structure. I clasped his hands and told I thought he was wonderful. This he took as a valid explanation for my outburst. I told him he could stay with me tonight, and sassied over to The Kronz. That T_zer may have the blonde advantage, but at least I don't have to act like a 13 year old to get attention. She may be thinner and taller than me, but she rather comes undone on the breast front. I pulled my shoulders back and lifted them a little. I could crush that bitch in my cleavage. "Hi, Kronz." I fluttered my eyelids. I turned to 'it.' "T_zer." I said very politely, very coldly. "Hi, Spodette." They both said, almost simultaneously, which annoyed me. "Fiz was just telling me about when she met Liam McGallagher." The Bastard! How dare he use her real name and call me by my Mono name. "From Iosys" he added, as if I wouldn't know. They continued their conversation. I wanted so much to blurt out that I had met Perry Como when I was younger, but I didn't think it was quite the one-up I wanted. I sulked off and found Aspod talking to Dr_Buggy and putting in the date of the Bracknell II meet in his Simon Organiser. "Let's go" I said and lead him off before he could protest. We went down the road to the Uni, and the 24-hour terminal room. I needed to chat so we went straight onto the talker - in our own private room. We didn't say anything much out of the ordinary, but it was reassuring to see the words appear indifferently on the screen rather than in confusing, emotion-heaped speech. We talked of the usual great topics - Mono, Eggplant's Greenhouse, The new Blore song 'Terminal Types.' About forty minutes later we rejoined the throng. The Kronz was snogging That Tart. I grabbed Aspod and snogged him. Hard. He seemed a little surprised, but went with it. I wasn't the first person he'd snogged. He'd snogged someone in an earlier story. It was great and went on twice as long as The Kronz and T_zer's snog - I timed it. I only stopped when Aspod started tensing and going a little blue. T_zer lead the Kronz off, to a dark corner. I hugged the recovering Aspod to comfort myself. From over his shoulder, I saw a familiar figure, walking through the crowd, looking around him constantly. Chump! I rushed over and hugged him. He'd driven down, just for the night - he had to be at work again tomorrow. I kissed him and told him I loved him. The rest of the evening was great. Only Aspod looked a little unhappy, to start with - but Nolife got out his latest talker transcripts and we were soon all laughing at what Nolife describes as 'the wit of Sherry.' ------------------------------------------------------------ * Saturday * The following morning Chump left before I awoke. He left a note saying I was the greatest thing in his life. Me and Windows '95! Kronz was full of himself and seemed to act like he was running the meet. I let him. It was good to have a rest. There was no sign of T_zer. She appeared later in the evening - when we were back at the pub. She avoided the Kronz, and spoke only minimalist sentences when he approached her. She spent most of the time talking to Aspod and drinking. The Kronz came straight over to me from trying to talk to T_zer. And stayed with me for the rest of the evening. He didn't get a snog though, however much he gave me the famous Kronz look. I love Chump too much for that. T_zer got very drunk, and began giggling again. She started explaining very loudly how she had met Liam McGallagher of Iosys. At about 10:30 she snogged Aspod and ran out, very shortly afterwards. That made my night. ------------------------------------------------------------ * Sunday * The following morning, I left Telnet's room and went to the meeting point, McBurger's, about an hour early. Eventually everyone turned up - Aspod, Nolife, The Kronz. We all ate and then went our separate ways. I said a tender farewell to Aspod - I do hope he doesn't write anything bad about me; and a curt goodbye to the cad, Kronz. He tried to explain that he was only a man and thus had a huge unsatiable sexual desire, but I told him to go find some other town of sad women to ravish and defile. This struck him as a splendid idea and he leapt on his coach muttering something about Liverpool. Aspod and Nolife went back in Batchman's car. I hadn't noticed him at the meet. He was cute and had a car. But then, I told myself, so has Chump. And I love him. ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------ * Epilogue * That night, I tried to sleep alone. But as we humans need computers to communicate properly; so do we women need men to truly be happy with ourselves. I couldn't sleep and went to the kitchen on my floor in halls. I made myself some soup. As I was heating it, who should walk in but T_zer. Her eyes were red, and her usual smile gone. She made some toast. We were silent at first, but I couldn't let her know I hated her, so I said "Good meet?" "Yeah," she said, "Okay." We sat and ate together - I gave her a bowl of my soup in exchange for some toast. "Can't sleep?" I asked. She shook her head. Three hours later we went back to our rooms - tired enough to sleep. We'd spoken all that time. About our lives, our loves our ex's. And you know what? We're not so different, after all. Goodnight. (c) March 1996 A. Spodette